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"Call It Forth!"

http://waitingforbabybird.com/2013/10/24/call-it-forth/

Waiting for Baby Bird

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A Message from God

Have you ever been anointed with oil?  I have not, but during the church service on Sunday (October 20, 2013), my husband Daniel and I (along with many, many others at my church) were being anointed as spiritual warriors for Christ.  While standing in line waiting and worshiping God, my time had come.   Mr. Boyd, the man anointing others with oil, placed the oil and his hand on my head and kept it there for a moment before then placing his other hand on my husbands head.  I noticed immediately that he didn't speak or pray over us as he had been doing with the others; instead he remained quiet for a few moments.  Then suddenly he put more oil on his hands and slapped the palm of my hand with oil and then slapped the palm of my husbands hand with oil.  He immediately joined our hands together and placed each of his hands on our foreheads.  The next few moments are a blur but I remember his first sentence and a few other sentences...He said, "Thus saith the Lord...blessings are coming to your household...hard times are now over and the season of sadness is over.  I (God) have seen you thirsty and seeking after me and your reward is coming." 

 I know he said more than that and I usually have an awesome memory but for some strange reason I only remember those few sentences.  After church I asked Daniel what he could remember (I didn't tell him yet what little I remembered) and he could only remember the same sentences I had heard.  I have racked my brain all day trying to remember every detail but I have come to realize it doesn't matter the details---blessings are coming to our home! The sadness is over!  Hallelujah! 

 I don't know what the blessings are but I'm excited!  I can't wait to see what God has in store for us--He never disappoints and He has only good and perfect gifts :)  Praise God!  I can't help but get all giddy inside! I know that I may not see these blessings immediately or even in the next month but I am reminded of Romans 8:25 (NLT) "But if we look forward to something we don't yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently."   Every morning that I wake up I am going to be looking around every corner with expectation for God's blessings.  I will remain steadfast, patient and confident in the things to come.  

(Another cool fact from the day is that to my knowledge, Mr. Boyd, the man anointing us with oil, does not know our circumstances.  In fact I have never spoken to him...not even saying "hi" in passing. He is unaware of our infertility struggles and the heartache we have endured over the last several years.  God is good and he spoke to me at the perfect time through a person who doesn't know our struggles. I believe that if Mr. Boyd had known our struggles I would attribute his "message from the Lord" as his own personal "feelings" or "thoughts" based upon his knowledge of us as a couple.  God knows my skeptical mind all too well and I'm thankful He chose to use someone who is unaware of the difficulties we have been facing.)

Wanna Know a Secret...?

Wanna Know a Secret…?

“Go gently through this day, keeping your eyes on Me.  I will open up the way before you, as you take steps of trust along your path.  Sometimes the way before you appears to be blocked.  If you focus on the obstacle or search for a way around it, you will probably go off course.  Instead, focus on Me, the Shepherd who is leading you along your life-journey.  Before you know it, the “obstacle” will be behind you and you will hardly know how you passed through it.  That is the secret of success in My Kingdom.  Although you remain aware of your natural circumstances, your primary awareness is of Me.  When the road before you looks rocky, you can trust Me to get you through that rough patch.  My Presence enables you to face each day with confidence.” –Jesus Calling

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young is one of my favorite devotionals (Seed of Hope by Evangeline Brown Colbert is my second favorite) because they are like love letters written just for me from God and I get to read them each morning while I drink my coffee.  I loved this morning’s “love letter” because it reminded of the secret to receiving God’s blessings for my life.

It says during the second sentence that God will open up the way for me IF I put my trust in Him, but if I remain focused on the “obstacle” or I am constantly trying in my own efforts to find a way around it, then I risk the potential of running off the “road” and prolonging my suffering.  I was reminded this morning that I can’t say “I trust you God” but then constantly worry or  think about my natural circumstances.

However, complete trust means that I keep my eyes on Him and remember that by His stripes I am healed (Isaiah 53:5) and that He settles the barren woman as a happy mother of children (Psalm 113:9).  When I do this, my “obstacles” look small in comparison to His love and power and I am then reminded that through the price He paid on the Cross I am an overcomer in all things (John 16:33).

Francesca Battistelli wrote the benefits of fixing our eyes on Jesus in her song called “Strangely Dim”…

I've had all these plans piled up sky high
A thousand dreams on hold
And I don't know why,
I got a front row seat
To the longest wait
And I just can't see
Past the things I pray
Today

But when I fix my eyes on all that You are
Then every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
All my worries fade
And fall to the ground
Cause when I seek Your face
And don't look around
Any place I'm in
Grows strangely dim

Sometimes where I stand
On this narrow road
Is in a raging storm
Or a valley low
But oh

I don't know, I don't know
What tomorrow may hold
But I know, but I know
That You're holding it all
So no matter what may come

I'm gonna fix my eyes on all that You are
'Til every doubt I feel
Deep in my heart
Grows strangely dim
Let all my worries fade
And fall to the ground
I'm gonna seek Your face
And not look around
Til the place I'm in
Grows strangely, strangely, strangely dim

So there you are…you have the secret of success to the Kingdom of God…what are you going to do with it?  Are you going to continue to look at your “obstacles” or are you going to fix your eyes on Jesus and KNOW that He has already won the battle for you…I believe that before you know it, the “obstacle” you feel that is blocking your path will be behind you.

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I Got a Spankin From God Today!

I Got a Spankin From God Today

Have you ever felt spanked by God?  You may be thinking, “God doesn’t spank His children!”  But let me tell you that yes He does and yes He did.  Let me explain.  I am not talking about a “spanking” in the sense of God physically punishing me because I did something wrong; but rather a “spanking” in the sense of after I did something or had a particular thought I could hear His still small voice say, “Now why did you do that?!” or “Why did you think that thought?!”  Today, I got a “spankin” from my loving, heavenly father and not because He was mad at me, but because He loves me so much that He wants the absolute best for me.   

It all started this morning when I opened my eyes.  I raised my head and felt the intense pounding of a migraine that I know all too well.  My first thought was “Oh great!  Not again!”  You see, I have always been plagued with reoccurring migraines (family history) but from January until May I rarely had one.  However, recently I have had an average of one every two weeks and they usually last up to three days.  So once I get one, I know that I will be dealing with the lil booger for a few days.  They can become so intense that I can’t move, stand, sit up, or eat and I feel as though I might vomit.  I normally can keep the migraine to just a headache by taking the maximum dosage of Advil or Excedrin Migraine throughout the day.  However recently I have been feeling challenged to not rely so heavily on medicine as my “plan A” but to instead have faith in God’s Word that by His wounds (and not the continual popping of pills) I AM (past tense, already happened) healed (Isaiah 53:5).  After all, it’s not like the medicine has been working all that great if I have to take the maximum dosage for up to three days.  Not to mention I will be the first to scream from the rooftops that I am healed of my infertility and soon I will have my own children, so if I can believe God 100% for this type of healing then why shouldn’t I rely on Him and believe in His healing for my migraines too?  Migraines would seem to be easier for God to heal than infertility right? Haha (I know all sickness/diseases are the same to God but that’s our thinking sometimes.)

I will admit that once I made the decision to not take the medicine I became fearful.  I was fearful as to how long the pain would persist and how intense it would become.  But I made the decision and I was going to press through no matter the physical cost…or so I thought.  Before I took one step out of bed I immediately prayed for my healing and then thanked God for it even though I could still feel the throbbing pain.  But as I got my coffee, the pain become more severe and I could feel the fear and doubt rising up within me, so I began speaking healing scriptures out loud.  I wasn’t speaking them to “move” God to heal me because His Word says that through my faith I am already healed, but rather I was speaking the scriptures out loud to “move” me out of the position of doubt and back into the position of faith.  

After about ten minutes I kept looking for my pain to decrease but it wasn’t and in fact, it was getting worse.  So I turned on some worship music and did the best I could with an intense migraine to praise God thinking that this would help take my mind off the symptoms; but I found myself still thinking about and focusing on the pain.  The pain was so intense that I ran to the bathroom thinking I would vomit.  As I laid there crying I began to doubt Him and whether or not I would be healed of this migraine.  I went back and forth between believing and doubting and over the course of three hours and with no relief in sight, doubt and unbelief really started to take root and grow in my heart.   I began questioning not only God but myself. ..”Was I speaking His Word enough?  Did I have ‘enough’ faith?  Were my prayers being said correctly?”  My thoughts were all over the place and I became desperate to be released from the torment the devil had placed on me.  All I wanted was to not be lying on the bathroom floor in tears for the next several days, so I got up and decided two Excedrin Migraine pills were needed.  It wasn’t even before I swallowed those two small white tablets did I instantly think I felt better.  In addition, while gulping down the water my next thought was, “I will finally be able to function in about an hour.” 

This is the moment I got spanked by God.  As soon as I had those thoughts I began crying.  My thoughts revealed what was deep inside my heart.  God didn’t spank me for taking the medicine; that wasn’t His issue with me. His issue was the condition of my heart towards Him.  I heard Him ask, “Where was this same confidence in Me?”  Ouch!  I realized at that moment that my confidence was stronger in the medicine than in Him. The definition of confidence is to trust in the abilities, strengths, integrity, or faithfulness of someone or something.  That moment proved that within my heart I trusted more in the ability, strength, integrity and faithfulness of those two white tablets to heal me than I did in the belief that by Jesus stripes I had already been healed.  

Not only that, but I literally thought, “In an hour I will feel better.”  I gave the medicine at least an hour to work, but each time I spoke God’s Word I was looking for relief in five minutes.  Why wasn’t I this patient and able to give God this same kind of confidence?  Why was I able to walk by faith with the medicine but walk by sight with God? 

These were two tough questions that I needed to answer.  I thought about them all day and I meditated on the word “confidence” for several hours.  I was reminded of Hebrews 10:35 (NLT) which says, “Do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord.  Remember the great reward it brings you!”  God wants the absolute best for me (and you) and when I don’t cast away my confidence in Him then that is when I will receive the promises that I believe Him for, which in this case it was healing. 

The spanking from God was a subtle reminder that it’s important I don’t cast away my confidence each time the “going gets tough” or the pressure to “give up” or “try something else” seems easier.  I allowed the pain to distract me from remembering the fundamental principle that ALL of God’s promises (such as healing) are received through faith; which means I believe I have received from God without ever having proof of receiving it.  I let the desire to see a physical change become the foundation of my faith and confidence and when I didn’t see proof in the natural realm, my foundation crumpled and my confidence in God was shattered.  The foundation for what I believe God for should ONLY be what He says in His Word…not by what my five natural senses are screaming. 

The enemy knows how powerful my faith and confidence in God can be in destroying his tactics and today I allowed him to distract me with the physical evidence to make me lose sight of the truth in God’s Word.  As a result, doubt and unbelief came in, took root, and grew; therefore making me immobilized, powerless and fearful.   I was reminded today that doubt and unbelief should never be entertained because when left unchecked they will rob me of God’s ultimate best.  I know this because James 1:6-8 says that a double minded man will receive nothing from the Lord and Mark 11:22-23 says, “Have faith in God, ‘Jesus answered.  I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.”  It’s obvious as to why my healing never came—I was a doubting, double minded person who couldn’t decide on whether or not I would put my confidence in God.

 Is God mad when we use medicine?   Doubtful.  But I do believe that God would like to see our faith and confidence eventually become so solid and strong that we can trust and depend upon Him in every area of our life including the ones where we have the answer to “fix” it. I believe that too many times we only come to God in prayer and have confidence and faith in Him when that’s all that we have left…when all of our “ideas” and “efforts” are exhausted.  But I want to have my faith so strong that I am able to trust Him in complete confidence without wavering for the things I can’t change (my fertility) but also the things that I believe I can control and change, such as a migraine.  In addition, I am sure all of the Advil I consume is killing my liver…why would God want me fixing one problem just to cause another…

Is Infertility Eating Away at Your Marriage?

     Throughout the “infertility journey” as many call it, one of the biggest challenges you might face is maintaining and protecting your marriage.  During the first two years of our infertility struggle, I had let the enemy, who is like a moth, slowly eat away at my marriage without even noticing.  He didn’t take big bites or cause us to contemplate divorce.  He just took little bites here and there that caused tension, fights, and a lack of interest in one another.  This is how the enemy works.  He never comes at you full force, but always in a sly and sneaky attack so that you don’t notice or even recognize until it becomes too late.  But one day in 2012, I stepped back and looked in the “mirror” at the “holes” the moth (enemy) had eaten in our marriage.  Communicating with one another felt more like walking on egg shells and our love life had become almost mechanical.  The desire to conceive a baby had become more of a priority to me than maintaining and protecting our marriage.  

  With problems such as infertility, thoughts and emotions are running in high gear and you must realize that husbands are not the best at communicating their thoughts or emotions, especially when it comes to infertility.  Your husband hurts just as much as you do, but he doesn’t want to talk about it as much as you do.  Often times, I feel like Daniel is sleeping through our crisis because he isn’t talking about it and whenever we are, he isn’t engaging in full conversation.  It often feels like he isn’t hurting at the depth or same level of intensity that I am and I have to realize this and be okay with it.  The Bible says in Proverbs 30:16 that the barren womb is one of three things never satisfied; therefore my hurt is going to be deeper and more intense than my husbands.  So cut your husband some slack if he doesn’t initiate or want to have long and deep conversations about your quest for children.  And don’t expect or get upset when he doesn’t see the pregnant lady on every corner or pick up books and magazine articles related to infertility.     

       Since wives do have the stronger desire to have children it is important to not let the husband get lost in the shuffle and feel like he doesn’t matter to your already established “family” of two.  In the Bible, Hannah’s husband said it best in 1 Samuel 1:8; he said, “Hannah why are you weeping?  Why don’t you eat?  Why are you downhearted?  Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?”  It’s very important to always make your husband feel that while you don’t have children yet, the time you have now with him is just as special and fulfilling.  He needs to know that he still completes you (aside from God of course). 

While you are wired to have a strong desire to have children, your husband is wired to “fix” problems and “save the day”.  So let him be SUPERMAN!  Men love to play the role of superhero and dash in to save their damsel in distress.  I understand they can’t “fix” the problem or erase your pain, but when they try with their “band aid” words or lean over to give you a hug or a simple kiss on the forehead, let him.  Don’t shove him away or yell at him for his efforts.  I understand their strategy may not be great, but their motives are pure.  

Just like your husband is wired to be SUPERMAN, God has wired him to be the head of the household and as his wife you are supposed to be submissive.  EEK!  Red flags are going up everywhere!  Yes I used the word “submissive” and submission can be an unsettling concept.  Since it is our body and we are the ones with the strong desire to satisfy our womb, it is natural that we want to “run the infertility show” but you have to remember you are not the director.  Ephesians 5:22-24 states that wives are supposed to submit to their husbands…”  While my opinions often conflict with Daniel’s, God set him in authority over our family and I need to trust and respect him and let the Lord lead our family through him.  It’s hard to hold back sometimes when I hear of a new medical doctor, procedure, diet, or vitamin to take and Daniel gives a flat out no, or even says he wants to take time to prayerfully seek more answers.  My marriage vows are to my husband, not to the doctors or anything else.  I understand that some of you reading may be married to a man not striving to live for God and I suggest praying to God for a balance in submitting to your husband and seeking God’s will for your life.  I also understand that many husbands have not taken the leadership role in the area of your fertility.  I challenge you to allow your husband to take the leadership role God has given and even if he doesn’t take it, resist the urge to make all of the decisions.  Whenever you present him with an idea, ask him to pray about it before giving you his opinion or answer.  Your husband’s decision’s may not always be “correct” ones or ones you think are “correct”, but trust that God is leading your husband down the right path.  I believe when you honor God’s command to submit to your husband then he will not only bless your marriage,  but pour other blessings on you in your life.

It’s no doubt that trying to conceive can cause many stressors in the marriage.  But you have to be diligent to not let it stress or put a damper on your intimacy with one another.  During the first two years of our quest for children, the purpose of intimacy was no longer to share our love, but to produce a baby; not to enjoy each other, but to accomplish a goal.  I would often schedule our time together based upon the reading of an ovulation predictor stick and whether we felt like it or not, we did the “duty”.  My thoughts were focused on the baby I hoped to conceive.  No more romance.  No more spontaneity.  No more passion.  It was strictly business and not pleasure.  While I completely understand the importance of “timing” it is important to remember that if timing continually eclipses marital enjoyment, then there is a problem.  You don’t want your husband to feel frustrated or “used” because you seem uninterested in sex all month long, then suddenly become aggressive in the bedroom when ovulation time comes.  Your husband wants to be pursued for more than just his sperm.  Furthermore, God intended the marriage bed not only for procreation and for pleasure, but also for comfort.  Do your best to keep your bedroom a safe haven or refuge from the stresses of fertility challenges.

I know the desperation to increase your family is real and often times unbearable, but the relationship to your husband must remain a higher priority.  What good is it to bring children into a family when your marriage is falling apart as a result of the trying to have children?  It is important that with or without children, you strive to bless one another.