You've Got Mail!

As a child I have always enjoyed checking the mailbox.  I would get so excited to see a surprise letter or random card from a friend or relative and I have realized that since I have gotten older, not much has changed.  I think I am the only person at the ripe ol' age of 30 (cough, cough) who looks and waits with eagerness for the mail carrier to walk up on my porch at 3:30pm, and then starts to panic that he isn't coming if I haven't seen him by 4pm.

I know! I know!  I need a life, but I can't help but love surprises--and when it comes to receiving mail, it is always full of surprises...I just never know what he is going bring.  I will admit that sometimes I simply wish he would have just lost my mail due to an unexpected bill (usually this happened when doing infertility treatments and tests), but then there are those rare days when I get an unexpected card or gift from a friend.  It's those little surprises that keep me in eagerness and anticipation for the mail carrier, because those unexpected surprises from a loved one telling me they are thinking of me, love me, or are praying for me, can magically heal my hurts, make a bad day better, and give me more hope and strength to keep going.

 

I experienced this first hand on Wednesday when I checked the mail and found an unexpected package addressed to "Elisha, Dan and Josiah Kearns".  My old college roommate and bestie sent me a card with words of encouragement as well as this special flannel onsie for Josiah.  She said that it reminded her of a "mini Daniel", because if you know my hubby, he LOVES to wear his flannels and He would probably wear them everywhere if I allowed him.  Seeing this cute flannel and imagining the two of them matching was enough to make me say "awe", cry happy tears, smile, and get excited for better days; it jolted a shot of life back into my spirit. 

It's the simple gifts, gestures, cards, and kind words that can make this journey a little more bearable and keep the hope alive within my heart.  Especially as the wait gets longer and the time drags on at an agonizing snail pace.  

Throughout this tough journey, I have learned that so much good can come from a simple $3 card, and I have always been taught that the greatest blessing is to be a blessing.  Therefore, if you would like the mailman to deliver unexpected cards filled with prayers, hope, and love--email me at 10hopeingod@gmail.com or comment below your address.  I would love to send you something that could put a smile on your face or give you hope to carry on.  Also, feel free to "reblog" this in case there is someone in your friend circle that could use some encouraging cards in the mail as well.

P.S. I promise to not stalk you, egg you, tp your house, peek in your windows, or send you poisonous chemicals :) I will also not share information with others. That would just be creepy.  

Just In the Nick of Time

 

It’s that time of year again when we make New Year’s Resolutions and then ditch them by the middle of January (if not sooner).  Why do we make them?  I am (cough, cough) 30 years old and I can’t name one single New Year’s Resolution that I have actually “stuck” with in its entirety.  I can make resolutions and set goals all day long, but the second I “fall off the wagon“, I’m done and back to my old ways.  Yet, I still seem to make them and I’m ashamed to say, they are usually the same ones year after year. I’m not only boring, but obviously unrealistic when it comes to making resolutions.

You know the ones I’m talking about because they are probably yours too…lose weight, eat healthier, spend more time with God and less time on social media, not drink as much soda, exercise more, complain less, be more thankful…yada yada, blah blah.

 

At the end of 2011, I read Dave Ramsey’s book, “Total Money Makeover” and decided that I would forgo all of my usual “resolutions” (I wasn’t keeping them anyway) and resolve to pay off our debt in 2012.  We have never had credit card debt (thank goodness), but we did have Daniel’s student loans (mine were already donzo), and our Saturn Vue had two years left before it was paid off.  I wanted ALL debt to be cleared by the end of 2012.

In January of 2012, I planned out the “perfect” budget and I did awesome in regards to sticking to it in January, February, and March…but then April came and I fell off the wagon.  I threw my hands up in the air and let that resolution die along with all of the others in previous years passed.  I will even admit that I actually gave myself a pat on the back for even making it three months before “quitting”. I mean, seriously?  How many people actually “complete” their New Year’s Resolutions?  I at least made it to Spring (and this was in the midst of paying for IVF! Anyone who has gone through fertility treatments KNOWS how hard it is to keep budgets during this time).

However, January 1st, 2013 rolled around and I decided it was time to revive the old resolution to pay off all debt (remember, I am boring and I do the same resolutions from year to year).  As motivation, I took “Total Money Makeover” by Dave Ramsey off the book shelf again and read the first few chapters in hopes it would spark that same fire I had in the beginning of 2012.   It worked!  I was motivated!  I was determined!  I was ready to “DO THIS!”  I created another “perfect” budget, shared it with the hubs to get him on board with the plan, and off we went to making this resolution stick.  My goal was to have all debt cleared by July 2013.  

January came and I did awesome!  February was also successful and March was still looking good.  But then hit April.  What is up the month of April?!  In April, the hubs and I went to Florida to visit his family and even though I knew about this trip MONTHS in advance, somehow I failed to plan it in our budget.  (slap forehead!)  By the time I realized this, I had already taken our extra money for that month and put it towards his student loans so this meant the trip would have to go on our credit card.  No biggie because I knew that I would have it paid off even before the credit card was due.  However it turned into a “biggie” in regards to meeting my July deadline because this created a snowball effect and I wasn’t able to put as much extra money on to the next student loan payment.  This small hiccup pushed our “pay off” date into October. GUH-reat!  (slap forehead!)
As a perfectionist, and not being able to meet my original goal of July, I thought about just going back to paying the minimum payment on the student loans and car payment.  I was getting kinda tired of being on “house arrest” and not able to venture to the mall when I wanted or randomly go out to eat if I didn’t feel like cooking anyway; but I came across this story in the Bible during my quiet time and it lit another fire to keep on, keeping on.

“…Elisha said to her, “What shall I do for you?  Tell me, what do you have in the house?”  And she said, “Your maidservant has nothing in the house but a jar of oil.”  Then he said, “Go, borrow vessels from everywhere, from all your neighbors–empty vessels; do not gather just a few.  And when you have come in, you shall shut the door behind you and your sons; then pour it into all those vessels, and set aside the full ones.”  So she went from him and shut the door behind her and her sons, who brought the vessels to her, and she poured it out.  Now it came to pass, when the vessels were full, that she said to her son, “Bring me another vessel.”  And he said to her, “There is not another vessel.”  So the oil ceased.  Then she came and told the man of God.  And he said, “Go sell the oil and pay your debt; and you and your sons will live off the rest.”  ~2 Kings 4:2-7

After reading this story, I felt God telling me to persevere on towards my ultimate goal of clearing all my debts.  So I reworked another “perfect” budget and got back on track. I was doing great all summer and most of fall (slight pot hole in August with a trip to Target and Hobby Lobby…eek), but I hit a major road block at the beginning of October.  We took another trip to Florida because the hubs’ best friend was getting married and once again, I forgot to incorporate this trip which had been PLANNED for months in advance into our “perfect” budget.  (slap forehead…again! I must be a slow learner…)

I am an excellent organizer and planner, but I guess when it comes to budgeting and money…not so much

Once we returned from Florida, I contemplated on giving up again.  I convinced myself that we had dramatically reduced our debt and I could “start over” (again) in January 2014.  No biggie, right?  Wrong.  That little voice inside my head wouldn’t shut up.  It kept saying, “Keep going! Pay your debt”. So I listened to this voice and it seems like the moment I got motivated again to “keep going”, I also got smacked in the face with Christmas.  Can you say “budget buster!”  By the end of November, I was REALLY ready to just throw in the towel, wave the white flag, and give myself a pat on the back for coming this far.  But God wouldn’t let it rest.  During another quiet time with God, I randomly came across Romans 13:8 which says, “Owe nothing to anyone–except for your obligation to love one another…”

Not willing to have another resolution fail and because I was too scared to ignore God, I reworked the budget (again), and in order to save money, we lived off lots of cheap processed foods such as cereal, chicken fingers, and frozen pizza (don’t judge…my New Years Resolution was to pay off debt, not eat healthy. hehe).

Today is December 31st.  The last day of 2013.  Where do I stand with my resolution of paying off all debt?  I stand free as a bird!  I owe no man anything except to give them the love of Christ. Yippee!  Whooo Hooo! Happy, happy, happy!

This is the FIRST New Year’s Resolution I have ever kept!  It would have been easy to give up when I first “failed” in April and again in October, and Christmas would have had more gifts for everyone (sorry to those who may have got the shaft), but old ways won’t open new doors.  I am ready for new doors to open for us financially and I know that God is pleased with my obedience and perseverance.  I didn’t accomplish my July goal…or even my October goal…but I never gave up. I learned that if I set my mind to it, I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength and the motivation when I need it. I also learned self-discipline and self-control when it comes to spending which my hubby is probably most excited about.  It feels good to not start the new year off with the same resolution as the year before.  (Can I get a virtual high-five? Anyone?!  haha!) 

I am still unsure what my New Year’s Resolution will be for 2014…still pondering. But I am excited to make one (or even two) because I know that if I set my mind to it, and lean on God for strength and motivation, I will accomplish it. 

I want to encourage you today that as you make one or even ten New Year’s Resolutions for 2014, do not beat yourself up or throw in the towel at the first, second, or even third fail.  Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and persevere to finish what it was you started.  Old ways wont open new doors. 

The Hidden Treasure

I sat down today to look back and journal my thoughts on all of the wonderful blessings God had given me in 2013, but my mind kept taking me back to 2012.  If I could describe 2012 in one word it would be "emptiness".  My arms were empty of a newborn I had hoped to be holding, my womb was empty of a lil baby bird kicking, doing somersaults, or stretching, and my spirit and soul were empty of peace, joy, and hope.  Everything I did in 2012 was a result of my thoughts that formulated into my plans, performed in my strength in order to make things happen in my timing. It was a painful year of constant doctor appointments, needles, vials, blood work, ultrasounds, disappointments, losses, and negative medical reports that left me hollow, blank and feeling void. I was left empty.

 

At the beginning of 2013, I had read that through every trial there is a hidden treasure, and so as I embarked a new year, I began the hunt for my hidden treasure.   If there was a blessing or purpose for my trials, then I wanted to find it.  I didn't want to feel empty.  I didn't want this path that I was on to be useless and filled with void.  I wanted it to serve a purpose. So I set out in 2013 on a new journey to find my hidden treasure, and I uncovered something, it was something I didn't know about myself.  My "emptiness" was a result of my "neediness"

God designed us to have no sufficiency on our own, and when we fail to recognize our neediness for Him, we find ourselves empty.  We find ourselves hollow, useless, and craving more.

Through my search, I reflected on my life and realized much of it had been "smooth sailing".  I struggled to think of too many times where I wasn't able to solve a problem myself or get through a situation in my strength.  All of my plans seemed to go according to how I orchestrated them and I always found myself blessed beyond measure.  Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, I hadn't ever been in a position to "need" God--that is until I found myself on a path in which I couldn't control my situation anymore than I could control the weather.
The only control I had, was whether or not I would relinquish full control to the Creator and admit my "need" for Him...and that's what I did in 2013.  Once I let go of my situation and unclenched my fists that was holding tight to "my plans" and "my timing" as well as open my heart to what He wanted, I was able to sit still long enough to have those newly opened hands and now opened heart be filled with His joy, peace, and hope that I later discovered never disappoints.

"And this hope will not lead to disappointment..." ~Romans 5:5

It was through releasing my control that He was able to perform eye surgery and give me a new set of glasses to see the "unseen".  I love these new glasses because I am now able to confidently see myself pregnant, giving birth, and rocking to sleep my baby bird.  It is with these new set of glasses, I can boldly walk into any room and tell those who are willing to listen how Jesus is going to make me a happy mother of children one day despite the negative doctor reports or statistics.  But most importantly, it is with these new set of glasses that I have been able to recognize every day my "neediness" for the only one who can fill my "emptiness".

I am "needy" person.  I am in NEED of His peace, His guidance, His wisdom, His plans, His love, His faithfulness, His strength, His patience, His abundant supply of EVERYTHING that I couldn't give myself.

These new set of glasses have also opened the eyes to my heart, and as a result, God revealed to me weeds that were growing in what I thought was a beautiful garden (my heart). Weeds of bitterness, pride, self-sufficiency, impatience, and discontentment (among the few) were choking out everything that I once was...happy, joyful, peaceful, thankful, and loving. I won't lie...getting adjusted to new glasses and having open heart surgery wasn't easy and some days it was just painful.  Growing and stretching causes pain, but as I look back, it probably could have been less painful if I hadn't resisted some of the change along the way.  But all in all, it has been worth it!  I am free from standing at the wishing well wondering if God will do for me what He has proven to do with so many other women who were infertile.  I am free from the torment of seeing pregnant women waddle through the grocery store, or having that gut wrenching feeling that came when hearing of yet other pregnancy announcement.  Don't get me wrong, there are some days I just want to hide under a rock and wave the white flag, but I have learned to recognize my "need" for God in these moments and that's usually when He fills my "emptiness" by wiping away the smudges on my eye glasses so that I can see clearly again the blessings He has in store for me.  It is only when I recognize my "need", that He is able to fill what is "empty"...

So as I reflect and look back, "emptiness" can be used to describe myself in 2012.  "Neediness" is what I discovered I am in 2013, and as I look forward to what will be revealed to me in 2014, God has shown me the word "abundance".  I believe that 2014 will be a year of God's abundant supply in my life.

I want to mention that God spoke to me three verses for the year 2014 several days ago, and I jotted them down in my journal. As I looked back at them today, I can't help but be in awe as to how God's word of  "abundance" spoken today, coincides with the verses He spoke to me last week...

"The Lord will grant you abundant prosperity--in the fruit of your womb..." ~Deuteronomy 28:11

"You will be blessed more than any other people; none of your men or women will be childless..."~Deuteronomy 7:14

"The Lord will open to you His good treasure, the heavens, to give you the rain to your season, and to bless the work of your hand..." ~Deuteronomy 28:17

As you venture into the New Year, I encourage you to let God give you a new set of eye glasses to see the "unseen", as well as see the "neediness" you have for Him in your situation.  It is only when you recognize your neediness for Him, that He is able to pour His abundance into your emptiness.

Don't forget there is a new website

Don't forget to head on over to waitingforbabybird.com to see all of the new posts since October. :)  Make sure you click on the "follow" button on the right hand side of the page. 

"Call It Forth!"

http://waitingforbabybird.com/2013/10/24/call-it-forth/

Waiting for Baby Bird

http://waitingforbabybird.com/

H.O.P.E. is moving to a new website!  Click on the link above to check it out!

A Message from God

Have you ever been anointed with oil?  I have not, but during the church service on Sunday (October 20, 2013), my husband Daniel and I (along with many, many others at my church) were being anointed as spiritual warriors for Christ.  While standing in line waiting and worshiping God, my time had come.   Mr. Boyd, the man anointing others with oil, placed the oil and his hand on my head and kept it there for a moment before then placing his other hand on my husbands head.  I noticed immediately that he didn't speak or pray over us as he had been doing with the others; instead he remained quiet for a few moments.  Then suddenly he put more oil on his hands and slapped the palm of my hand with oil and then slapped the palm of my husbands hand with oil.  He immediately joined our hands together and placed each of his hands on our foreheads.  The next few moments are a blur but I remember his first sentence and a few other sentences...He said, "Thus saith the Lord...blessings are coming to your household...hard times are now over and the season of sadness is over.  I (God) have seen you thirsty and seeking after me and your reward is coming." 

 I know he said more than that and I usually have an awesome memory but for some strange reason I only remember those few sentences.  After church I asked Daniel what he could remember (I didn't tell him yet what little I remembered) and he could only remember the same sentences I had heard.  I have racked my brain all day trying to remember every detail but I have come to realize it doesn't matter the details---blessings are coming to our home! The sadness is over!  Hallelujah! 

 I don't know what the blessings are but I'm excited!  I can't wait to see what God has in store for us--He never disappoints and He has only good and perfect gifts :)  Praise God!  I can't help but get all giddy inside! I know that I may not see these blessings immediately or even in the next month but I am reminded of Romans 8:25 (NLT) "But if we look forward to something we don't yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently."   Every morning that I wake up I am going to be looking around every corner with expectation for God's blessings.  I will remain steadfast, patient and confident in the things to come.  

(Another cool fact from the day is that to my knowledge, Mr. Boyd, the man anointing us with oil, does not know our circumstances.  In fact I have never spoken to him...not even saying "hi" in passing. He is unaware of our infertility struggles and the heartache we have endured over the last several years.  God is good and he spoke to me at the perfect time through a person who doesn't know our struggles. I believe that if Mr. Boyd had known our struggles I would attribute his "message from the Lord" as his own personal "feelings" or "thoughts" based upon his knowledge of us as a couple.  God knows my skeptical mind all too well and I'm thankful He chose to use someone who is unaware of the difficulties we have been facing.)