Get Your Mind Out Of The Gutter!

Get Your Mind Out of the Gutter!

Surrender yourself to the Lord, and wait patiently for him.

Psalm 37:7

Are you frustrated? Bitter? Anxious?  Annoyed?  Are you sometimes shaking your fist at God crying out, “When, God, When?!”  None of us like to wait, especially when the wait is taking longer than expected. 

For example, we all despise waiting at the Doctor’s Offices.  We know we will be seen (we have a promise of an appointment) but the waiting still makes us annoyed.  The longer we wait, the more impatient we become and it begins to show in our attitudes and behavior.   For example, we have attitudes of frustration, anger, annoyance and restlessness.  Our behavior might include tapping our foot, complaining to others around us, sighing, shifting in our seat, complaining to the receptionist, etc.  We also get even more upset when someone who came in after you goes to the examining room first (We feel the same way when others become pregnant and they have not tried as long or it’s just “easy” for them). 

Being patient or having patience is NOT the ability to wait, but your ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.

Definition of being patient:

§  Bearing annoyance, suffering, or trials without complaining or showing or feeling emotion

§  Standing firm without doubting despite opposition or difficulty

§  Able to tolerate delay or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious

Your ability to keep a good attitude is directly tied to your emotions; and your emotions are directly tied to the thoughts you entertain in your mind.  But where do some of your crazy and negative thoughts come from that wreck so much of your attitude and emotions?  The devil.

It is important to remember your mind is the devil’s favorite battleground.  He will use what YOU see and feel in the natural realm to sneak inside of it with sly, subtle, and deceptive thoughts.  These thoughts are so sly and deceptive that you will find them easy to believe without even realizing they are from him; and once you believe his lies, then you will slowly lose your grip on the Promises of God.  Often times you think you lack faith when you doubt God, but the real battle is not the lack of faith---the battle is in your mind. 

So the question to you is this…Is your mind in the gutter?  

What thoughts have you been entertaining lately?  I hear women say all of the time that they will probably never have children of your own.  They believe this lie because it is what their natural circumstances are screaming at them every month when their menstrual cycle starts but know today this is a lie from the Devil!  How do I know this? God’s Word says in Psalm 113:9 that He (God) settles the barren woman as a happy mother of children.  Another lie I often hear women talk about is that they are ready to give up because they have been asking God and nothing has happened so what is the point.  I just want to punch the devil in the face because this is his biggest and most favorite lie to spread.  The truth remains in God’s Word.  His Word says in Hebrew 10:23 that you must hold onto the hope you profess because God is faithful.  His word will not return void so never give up!  Another lie that I wish the devil  would quit spreading is that God doesn’t hear you when you cry out to him in prayer.  This couldn’t be further from the truth because Psalm 116:1 states that God hears your cries for mercy and it says again in Psalm 66:19 that He listens and hears our prayers.  The last lie that I want to encourage you to rebuke is the one in which you think you are not “good enough” to receive from God.  Many times we beat ourselves up for not “acting perfect” or reading our bible enough or praying with big fancy, long words but it’s not about you.  It’s all about Jesus.  Ephesians 2:8 says that it is by grace you have been saved, through faith.  It is not of yourself or what you can do because it is a gift.  Receive that gift freely and cast that negative thought of you not being “good enough” into the sea.

            These thoughts and many others that cause fear, worry, unbelief, doubt, anger and bitterness will control and cause depression, self-pity and weariness if you don’t surrender them as soon as they enter.  When you surrender something in your mind it means you relinquish possession of one thought in favor of another…basically, you trade the negative thought for a positive one just as I did in the previous paragraph.

            In order to surrender your mind I believe there are six steps you must follow in order to defeat the devil effectively.  First, you need to remember that God is GREATER than any problem you face now or in the future.  Your natural circumstances or diagnosis is factual BUT God is bigger than all of them.

             Secondly, you must always speak God’s Word over your situation and when taking your thoughts captive.  Follow Jesus’ example by opening your mouth and saying, “It is written…” then quote a Bible verse that proves the devil is a liar.  If the devil tells you that you are sick and that your situation will always remain this way, then shout back at him that this is a lie because Jesus forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases according to Psalm 103:3.  When the devil tells you that God is mad at you, then take that lie captive and tell him that Psalm 17:8 states that you are the apple of God’s eye!  If the devil quietly whispers that God is not faithful to His word every time you don’t see a change in your situation then remind him of Isaiah 55:11, Psalm 145:13 and Numbers 23:19 which all state very clearly that God is not a liar and His word will NOT return void.  Give the devil some “truth punches” with the Word of God and He will leave you alone wounded and bruised from his head down to his toes. 

            I have learned that the devil will come to attack you when you are weary and not expecting him, which means you need to always be ready for him.  Therefore make it a priority every day to learn and memorize God’s Word.  The devil will not come and attack you with negative thoughts when you are sitting there with your Bible open.  Instead, he will come at you while you are driving, at work, or somewhere in which you don’t have resources (Bible) to look up scripture; therefore it is important if you want to win the battle over your mind to hide scripture in your heart so that you are ready to fight the enemy.

            The third tactic against the devil is to quit thinking so much.  Isaiah 55:8 says that God’s thoughts are not your thoughts and His ways are not your ways.  Therefore quit trying to analyze everything that is going on in your life and quit trying to figure everything out by asking God all of the time, “Why?”  I have learned this will make you more confused and frustrated when you try to figure out all of the “Why’s” of God.  In addition, stop thinking about what is possible in the natural and start thinking about what is possible in the supernatural.  Don’t think that just because it might be “impossible” in your mind that it is impossible in God’s.  It’s time we became kingdom minded and not natural minded.  Lastly, don’t dwell on your infertility, when your cycle will start, the doctor’s diagnosis, ovulation, and etc.  If you have trouble not focusing on your natural circumstances, then DON”T engage in activities that cause you to dwell on them.  For example, stop reading books related to your issue and stop using Google for all of your answers.

            One of the most important ways to drop kick the devil during one of his attacks is to praise and worship God.  The devil was created for praise and worship and that is why he HATES it when you are doing the praising and worshiping God.  He can’t be in the same room when you are singing and shouting out your praises.  So turn on some worship music or just start shouting out all that you are thankful for.  Furthermore, you can’t possibly be thinking negative thoughts if positive words and praises are coming out of your mouth.  So give it a try and don’t stop until you feel the peace of God in your heart and mind. 

            Lastly, be PRO ACTIVE!  Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help guard your mind and remind you to speak God’s truths BEFORE the devil tries to sneak in with negative thoughts.  Romans 8:6-7 teaches us that the mind that is controlled by the Spirit has life and peace.  You buy insurance in the event you might get sick, right?  Praying in advance is like buying insurance against the attacks of the enemy.

Remember that you don’t have to fight your battles against the devil alone.  I love the verse Exodus 14:14 it says, “The Lord will fight for you.  Be calm!”  Wow!  I would love the Lord to fight for me, wouldn’t you?!  But the last part of the verse tells me to “Be calm!”  To be calm means to not show or have feelings of nervousness, anger, or other emotions.  EEK!!  How many times do we ask God to help us but we continue to think negative thoughts which then cause worry, fear, doubt, and bitterness?  Take every thought that is not from God and surrender …relinquish it and speak the truths in God’s Word.  

Surrender yourself to the Lord, and wait patiently for him.

Psalm 37:7

We Will Finish Together

“We Will Finish This Together”

The day of the race arrives at the 1992 Barcelona Olympics. Derek Redman and his father vow that no matter what happens he will finish the race. As race time approaches for the semifinal 400 heat, Derek’s father heads up to his seat at the top of Olympic Stadium to cheer on his son.  The stadium is packed with 65,000 fans, bracing themselves for one of sport's greatest and most exciting spectacles. 

The race begins and Derek breaks from the pack and quickly seizes the lead. "Keep it up, keep it up," Derek’s father says to himself while watching his son run the race. Down the backstretch, only 175 meters away from finishing, Derek is a shoo-in to make the finals. Suddenly, Derek slows down and begins hopping on one leg then eventually falls to the track.  He had torn his hamstring. As he lays on the track, clutching his right hamstring, a medical personnel unit runs toward him.  "Oh, no," Derek’s dad says to himself. His face pales and as he sees his son in trouble, he races down from the top row of the stands, sidestepping people, and bumping into others. There was nothing or no one getting in his way of reaching to his son.

While on the track, tears begin to pour down Derek’s face and he tells himself that his dream is over—he is too wounded to continue.  But as medical crews arrive with a stretcher, Derek remembers the vow he made between him and his father. So he rose up tells them, "No, there's no way I'm getting on that stretcher. I'm going to finish my race."  Then, in a moment that will live forever in the minds of millions, Derek lifts himself to his feet, ever so slowly, and starts hobbling down the track. 

The other runners have finished the race and suddenly, everyone realizes that Derek isn’t dropping out of the race by hobbling off to the side of the track. Instead, he is actually continuing on one leg. He's going to attempt to hobble his way to the finish line.  Derek limps onward one painful step at a time, each one a little slower and more painful than the one before.  Derek starts to wonder if he can make it much further; his face twisted with pain and tears.  Suddenly, Derek’s dad gets to the bottom of the stands, leaps over the railing, avoids a security guard, and runs out to his son, with two security people chasing after him. "That's my son out there," he yells back to security, "and I’ve got to help him."

Finally, with Derek facing defeat and painfully limping along the track, his dad reaches him at the final curve, about 120 meters from the finish, and wraps his arm around his waist.   "I'm here, son, “he says softly, hugging his boy. “You don’t have to do this.”  But Derek replied with, “Yes, I do.”  So Derek’s father holds him tighter and says, "Well then, we will finish this together."   Derek puts his arms around his father's shoulders and sobs. 

Together, arm in arm, father and son, with 65,000 people cheering, clapping and crying; they were finishing the race, just as they vowed they would. A couple steps from the finish line and with the crowd in an absolute frenzy, Derek’s dad releases the grip he has on his son, so Derek could cross the finish line by himself. Then he throws his arms around Derek again, both crying, and his dad says, "I'm the proudest father alive".  "I'm prouder of you than I would have been if you had won the gold medal. It took a lot of guts for you to do what you did." 

Every day we have struggles—we get knocked down, injured, and feel defeated and wonder where God (our daddy) is.  But these troubles are not going away because the enemy will constantly be chasing you.  He wants you to give up; quit when it becomes too much to bear.  You have to remember that the troubles may not go away, but you do have help.  I am reminded of Apostle Paul.  The devil was a “thorn” in Paul’s flesh that was constantly stirring up the people in the town that Paul visited when he shared the gospel.  He was persecuted, beaten, imprisoned, and hated.  He cried out to God three times for Him to stop the torture he was going through.  Paul just wanted God to take it all away; but God’s response was not to take it away, but that His grace was enough and that when Paul was weak, His strength would be made perfect. 

God didn’t need to take anything away.  Paul just needed to tap into the source of God’s grace (peace, healing, comfort, strength and all other blessings) that was already available to him.  God’s grace was enough to help carry Paul to the finish line and His grace is enough to carry you to the finish line as well.  But God can only show up and demonstrate His power in our times of weakness when we come to a point where we can’t take another stop alone and therefore we allow Him to take over.  

Once Paul learned this, he quit complaining and crying out to God for what was already available to him.  Instead, he rejoiced when he suffered because he knew God was then able to show up and show out.  God was able to do the impossible.  For example, when Paul was shackled in chains and beaten he couldn’t continue alone but yet he never gave up.  He worshiped and praised God and that’s when God suddenly showed up--an earthquake happened and God’s grace appeared.  Paul’s chains were broken and the prison cells were opened.  He was able to free himself from an impossible situation.  God’s strength was made perfect in Paul’s weakness.  

Paul had a “thorn in his flesh” (troubles from the devil)…what thorns do you have today?  It is inevitable that while on your race to your finish line, troubles will come your way.  The devil is going to constantly throw obstacles in your way to get you to trip and fall.  But how are you going to respond?  Are you going to lay there and complain?  Will you get up and try to struggle in your own efforts and strength, therefore causing you more pain?  Or will you let God (your heavenly father) come lift you up in His grace and carry you on His shoulders high above your storm clouds?  

God sees you hurting.  He sees every tear you shed and watches as you desperately try to crawl or limp to your finish line; all the while hoping you will use Him for strength.  You may think you can fight your battles alone, but only when you realize in your weakness that you cannot be dependent on your own efforts can God step in and bring you to safety.  But as long as you lay there or struggle in your own abilities, your heavenly father can only watch you struggle with tears in His own eyes, just hoping you will allow Him to release His power.  

 So reach out to Him for that is when His peace, strength, healing and comfort will abound.  You will still experience pain and heartache as you get closer to the finish line, but together, with the world watching, you will rise above and finish the race God has promised you to finish; and as you cross that finish line, God will be the proudest daddy alive because you defeated the enemy and never gave up.  Remember, you can and will rise above anything and everything the devil throws at you because nothing can keep you down, for you are more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus.  Greater is He that lives in you, then he (the devil) that lives in the world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZlXWp6vFdE----watch this video and try not to cry! It demonstrates how our heavenly daddy can carry us when we feel like we can't take another step forward

Infertility hurts...please don't make it hurt worse

           

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      Infertility hurts.  No matter how strong you are emotionally or how faithful you are in trusting God, the pain of infertility is devastating and real.  There are so many thoughts and emotions that come with the pain…some days I can go all day and not even think about it, and other days it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest and I can hardly breathe.  I know that my emotions are not uncommon because I once read an article that said a person struggling with infertility has the same thoughts and feelings of hopelessness and fear as a person with a terminal illness. WOW!  This article was right on target because my inability to have children feels like an illness that will never go away and it could have the potential to eat me up from the inside out if I allow it.  That same article also suggested that the pain of infertility is similar to the grief of losing a loved one.  But the grief associated with infertility is unique in the sense that it is reoccurring.  Sometimes throughout my week, I grieve the baby that I so desperately want to hold. I grieve the baby who I dream of having my eyes and Daniel’s cute pudgy nose.  But, each month, I the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all and no matter how hard I try to prepare myself for bad news, I still hope that this month will be different.  But then, the bad news does come, and the grief process starts all over again.  It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal.

            Many times I look to my friends and family for support and encouragement but even they do not know what to say and often times their “advice” just makes the pain worse.  They have no idea the depths to which I grieve.  I know their intentions are good, but their cluelessness or lack of “thinking before speaking” can seem insensitive.  I am writing this blog so that those who do not know what to say to someone facing infertility can have some insight on what causes me and other couples struggling with infertility more heartache.  

            First of all, fertility issues are personal.  If I choose to share with you my struggles and issues, I am placing a deep level of trust in our friendship.  When Daniel and I first learned of the seriousness of our infertility we had only shared it with a few select people and before I knew it, I was being sent facebook messages from people who didn’t even live in the same town as me.  They wanted to offer their condolences and/or advice on the “best ways to conceive”.  I was hurt that my personal information had been shared and shared so quickly.  So please, before passing news along to anyone else, ask my permission.   

Secondly, most fertility related issues are medical problems that often entail MANY complex issues; therefore, please do not offer advice unless I have asked you for it, or the Holy Spirit has prompted you to share it with me.   I have probably already heard and tried techniques such as, Daniel wearing boxer shorts, taking a vacation, acupuncture, fertility smoothies, vitamins, diets, and “other techniques” to improve our chances of conception.  In addition, while I am aware infertility causes stress, it is extremely rare for stress to be the sole cause of it.  So the advice of “just relax” will not cure anyone’s Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome Disease, or open blocked fallopian tubes, balance hormones or cure chromosome abnormalities.  While I know the person suggesting this advice is only trying to help, it makes it seem as if they are either minimizing the seriousness of the issue or they do not understand the depths of our problems; and it only reminds us that it is not an “easy fix”. 

Along the lines of offering help or advice, please do not ask me if I have considered adoption or suggest that my infertility will be resolved if I “just adopt.”  While I am sure people know someone who adopted and then got pregnant, adoption does not increase my chances of a future pregnancy.  Also, people who adopt have a strong desire to do so and chances are if you have not heard couples struggling with infertility talk about adopting, then it is likely not a desire for them at the moment.  When adopting, I believe your heart and motives need to be in the right place and they should not adopt just for the sole reason of wanting to fill the void of having a child.  Furthermore, when a couple has a strong, God given desire to have their own biological children and you suggest adoption, it is as if you are telling them to give up on their dream and that God will not supply their heart’s desire.  Don’t get me wrong, adoption is a wonderful way for some infertile couples to become parents; I am just suggesting it is not your place to try to bring it up for discussion or “push” the issue.  

            What do you do when meeting someone new for the first time?  You do not ask if they have children. I ask that you please do not start your conversation with, “So do you have any children?”  While innocent enough, such questions can make me feel like a deer caught in headlights and it is an immediate reminder that I do not.  It also makes me feel the need to share my infertility issues with you which is something I do not want to do with someone I am just meeting.  Instead, try something open ended such as, “Tell me a little bit about yourself.”  In addition, family members, please do not ask the question, “So when are you going to start having children?”  If a couple is struggling with infertility, this question is a reminder and a punch in the gut that the time is ticking and ticking away.

Many of my friends are pregnant or have recently had children.  I am so excited for them!  Infertility has made me appreciate life so much more.  I would never wish infertility on anyone, so when I hear of others being pregnant it not only gives me hope, but it’s a relief that they will not have to struggle with the same pain that I do. However, seeing your cute belly grow is a constant reminder of what I do not have. Unless I plan to spend my life in a cave, I have to find a way to interact with pregnant women and not get emotional. However, there are things you can do as my friend to make it easier.  Please do not complain about your pregnancy. I understand that when you are pregnant, your hormones are going crazy and you experience a lot of discomfort and body changes.  You have every right to vent about the discomforts to anyone else in your life, but please don't put me in the position of comforting you.  I would give anything to experience the discomforts you are enduring because those discomforts come from a baby growing inside of you. When I hear a pregnant woman complain about morning sickness, I think, "I'd gladly throw up ten times a day for nine straight months if it meant I could have a baby." When a pregnant woman complains about her weight gain, I think, "I would gladly gain 100 lbs to be in your shoes."  Once again, it’s okay to vent, but just understand I may not be able to comfort you like a good friend should.  

Below are some examples of the most common said phrases to women struggling with infertility.  I am listing them so that if you say them without realizing it, please watch your words.  They can hurt more than you realize….

“I’m so fertile all my husband had to do was look at me!”
“You’re young so enjoy this time without kids.”
"You've been pregnant before, so it'll happen again. Just give it time."
"It's just not in God's plan for you now."
“Maybe you're not meant to have children."
“You have enough time to have a baby”
"Maybe it’s not meant to be."
"It’s because you’re stressed!"
"Just be thankful for what you do have."
"You know why you have such a nice house? Because you don't have kids." (My personal favorite)
“Just give it time, relax & it will happen.”
“You should just stop trying and it'll happen.”
"Why don't you adopt? A lot of people who adopt get pregnant right after that!"
“You should adopt.”
“You’re thinking about it too much.”
“You're just not ready…it’s not your time.”
“Maybe you were only supposed to have one child.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
"You can have my child for a day and you will not want one." (Heard this a bagillion times)
"You're lucky you don't have any kids, you can do whatever you want!"
“You don’t understand because you aren’t a mother yet.” (This one can cut to the core)

I have written a lot about what not to say and you are probably wondering…”Well what can I say?!?” The answer is nothing.  Nothing you can say will erase the pain. So, take that pressure off of yourself because it isn't your job to erase my pain or fix my infertility problems.  That is a job I have given to Jesus. But there are some things you can do to help me cope with the pain.  For example, the best thing you can do is let me know that you care.  An example could be sending me encouraging cards. Or maybe just let me cry on your shoulder without you saying a word.  My favorite is to hear people tell me they are praying for me; when someone says they’re praying for me, it is music to my ears and the most awesome words I can hear because I know prayer has the power to change everything.   

        I’m not sure I have ever met anyone who knew the right things to say unless they had experienced infertility themselves. It can take days to get over the pain inflicted by someone’s well-meaning and sometimes spur-of-the-moment comments. The memories of some of these remarks never go away…the Bible wasn’t kidding when it said that the tongue “is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison...” The words of our mouths can inflict pain or impart comfort. Unfortunately, during infertility, most couples are recipients of words that inflict pain. People say the wrong things, all the while thinking they’re really helping or encouraging. I am hoping this blog has given you some helpful advice on how to comfort those you know struggling with infertility.


     I believe it is important for me to stress that I do not think people say or do these things out of malicious thoughts or behavior.  I truly believe people think they are helping and wanting to ease the pain or hurt but are at a loss...I just wanted to write a blog to help those who want to help but are clueless as to where to begin.

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